


The Disease Called Love

by grievingcain



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25392511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grievingcain/pseuds/grievingcain
Summary: Takasugi could never bring himself to forget Shouyou, and that made him acquire a rare disease. Bansai notices that there's something wrong with him.Possibly Unrequited Takasugi→Shouyou + Unrequited Bansai→Takasugi
Relationships: Kawakami Bansai/Takasugi Shinsuke, Takasugi Shinsuke/Yoshida Shouyou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	The Disease Called Love

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a hanahaki fic, so I thought about BanTaka, but then ShouTaka came to mind and I thought this ship was perfect for the prompt. So why not both? Why make only Takasugi suffer if I can make Bansai suffer too? Hahahaha... So yeah, this fic is just pain and suffering. 
> 
> As for why the ShouTaka is "possibly" unrequited, it's because this fic takes place after Shouyou's death and I imagine that Takasugi had never confessed, so he never got to know if his feelings were reciprocated or not (he believes they weren't though). 
> 
> The title was taken from the song 病名は愛だった (The Disease Called Love) by Neru/z'5 feat. VOCALOID Kagamine Len & Rin. It's a beautiful and sad song, I highly recommend it!
> 
> And I wanna thank my good friend Ju for being my beta reader/editor even though she doesn't know shit about Gintama. Thank you so much! <3

Bansai could be considered a guard dog—or rather saying, a guardian. No matter how absorbed he was into his job as a musician or anything else, he had some kind of sixth sense that would always tell him when something was wrong with his general. It was his ability to hear people’s _songs._ And the fact that Takasugi was always so close to him, made it possible for him to always hear his. So he knew when its melody was different from the usual.

There were times when Takasugi’s song didn’t sound like him at all. It was like someone else’s song. Like he had stolen someone else’s melody and was playing it with his own instruments. It wasn’t his, but he somehow made it become his. Bansai could sense that when his melody changed, Takasugi was distressed. But he also knew that in those times Takasugi didn’t want company. At least not _his_ company. So he would stay in his room mulling over _who_ that song belonged to.

-

Shouyou Yoshida was the name of Takasugi’s teacher, Bansai had learned. The name of the man who Takasugi wanted, needed to avenge. Bansai knew the whole story now, about a kid who was deserted by his father and found a home in his new teacher’s school. The kid admired said teacher deeply,  and even went to war after  the teacher was captured.  He saw  his teacher dying in front of him and couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Takasugi had told Bansai that story because he trusted him. Takasugi wanted the other to know the real reason why he fought. Yet Bansai was happy,  and  at the same time he could not help but to feel a bit melancholic. And the weird feeling  that was always present when Takasugi’s song turned into that stolen melody.

-

The first time happened around three or four years after the Kiheitai was formed.

Bansai was walking to his own room, so he passed by Takasugi’s. He heard Takasugi ceaseless ly cough ing . He stopped in front of the man’s door, waiting for him to stop coughing, but it was taking longer than he expected,  Bansai then knocked on the door.

“Shinsuke?” He called. “Are you okay?”

There was more coughing before Takasugi finally replied.

“I’m fine,” he said.

The coughing finally ceased.

Bansai waited for a little longer, in case it started again, but once it was clear that it wouldn’t, Bansai went to his room.

-

The second time happened not too long after that. It was in the middle of a battle against some amanto creatures, and luckily for Takasugi, Bansai was one of the most skilled swordsmen he had ever met. Bansai could shred their enemies apart and stop them from getting near Takasugi while he was in another coughing fit.

When Bansai had finished cutting all of them down, he went straight to Takasugi, putting his hands over the man’s arms to help him keep standing.

“Shinsuke, are you okay?” Bansai asked. His voice was showing genuine concern, it did not sound like the voice of a man who had just slaughtered a bunch of aliens.

“I’m fine,” was Takasugi’s simple reply.

Bansai nodded. He wondered if it weren’t tuberculosis, but Takasugi’s hands weren’t smeared with blood, so he discarded that possibility.

But in-between so many corpses and multicolored blood, he couldn’t see the petals  of cherry blossoms that had fallen on the ground.

-

The third time was followed by a fourth time, and then a fifth  one , and then Bansai lost count of how many times he  had  caught Takasugi having coughing fits.

They could happen any time.

There was a time where they were  in a meeting with Takechi and some other subordinates and were discussing the strategy for their next move. Takasugi start ed coughing and didn’t stop for a long minute. It was when he just stood up and left without any explanation. When Bansai tried to follow him, Takasugi just made a sign for him to stop, and  Bansai had no choice but to obey.

In another occurrence, they were alone. Bansai was playing shamisen for Takasugi, who was quietly smoking his kiseru. It was a relaxing end of afternoon until the moment that Takasugi started coughing. Bansai stopped playing and left the shamisen aside to approach Takasugi and try and help him, but Takasugi rejected him.

“I’m fine,” he said. As he always did.

Bansai stayed by his side, rubbing his back, as Takasugi continued coughing. When he finally stopped, Bansai decided it was time to ask.

“Shinsuke… Do you have some kind of disease?”

“What are you talking about?” Takasugi replied, almost aggressively.

“You have a lot of coughing fits, I thought it could be—

“You thought wrong. I don’t have any disease. It’s just allergy.”

_Allergy to what?_ , Bansai wanted to ask, but considering how irritated Takasugi looked maybe it wasn’t a good idea.

“I see,” he said instead. 

He couldn’t just go back to play his shamisen in peace, so instead he just told Takasugi he had work to do and excused himself.

-

Takasugi was a good liar. Not because he could deceive Bansai; far from it, he was not able to. Bansai was too smart to be deceived.  Takasugi was a good liar because he could still hide something from  Bansai .  Matako, and probably even Takechi, hadn’t noticed it over the past 8 years, but Bansai knew Takasugi was hiding something. However, he didn’t  know what it could be.

H e supposed Takasugi  _did_ had some kind of unknown disease. It couldn’t be tuberculosis because even though he coughed a lot, he didn’t cough up blood, and there wasn’t any other symptoms.  Maybe it could be some new disease, some amanto disease. If it was something that Takasugi caught in another planet  that w ould be a problem: they would have to guess where it was from and if it had a ny treatment.

But Takasugi seemed to be doing his best to hide the fact that he was sick from everyone else, which made Bansai think that Takasugi  _knew_ what he had, and  _knew_ it had no cure, and therefor e it was pointless  for him to share that knowledge with other people.

B ansai caught himself wishing that Takasugi would still tell him regardless. As a proof of his trust on him, like the time he told Bansai about his past. But perhaps that was the most far his trust could go.  Bansai didn’t want to admit, but that made him upset.

-

T he scenario was the same from a few years  prior . Bansai was walking past Takasugi’s room when he heard the man’s incessant coughing once again. He stopped and waited for it to stop. But it didn’t. He mimicked the same movements from years ago and knocked on the door.

“Shinsuke?” He called.

The continuous coughing didn’t stop. It sound ed  like Takasugi had choked on something.

Bansai knocked on the door and called his name again, but the coughing didn’t stop and there wasn’t any answers.

“I’m coming in,” Bansai finally warned the man, and opened the door.

He found Takasugi on his knees, a hand on the floor for balance and another on his throat, as if he had something stuck in there. Bansai run to his rescue.

“Shinsuke,” he called again as he he approached.

Bansai put himself on his knees in front of Takasugi and Takasugi got near him, placing a hand on the teal-haired man's shoulder for balance. Takasugi seemed defenseless, as if he was asking for help. Something about that coughing fit seemed much worse than the previous ones. He tried to speak, but nothing besides coughs came out.

Then Bansai noticed there was something inside Takasugi’s mouth.

It was on impulse, but it felt like the right thing to do. Bansai  put one of his hands around Takasugi’s waist to keep him in place and  shoved two fingers  of his other hand inside Takasugi’s mouth to get a hold of whatever it was that Takasugi was choking on. He was able to grab the object, and he started to pull it  out  delicately.  He imagine that if part of whatever it was  that thing  was stuck inside Takasugi’s throat, pulling it  out  all at once could hurt him.

Takasugi struggled when he first felt Bansai’s fingers in his mouth, but once he felt Bansai pulling the foreign thing out of him, he stopped and waited for it to come out.

What came out surprised Bansai. It was a branch. Not a very big one, but still an entire branch, with cherry blossoms covering it. It was smeared with Takasugi’s saliva and blood, but it was definitely a branch of cherry blossoms. Bansai, for the first time, seemed to notice that there were many petals on the floor and even entire cherry blossoms around both of them.

T akasugi  could finally breathe properly, so he was taking  in  as much air as he could.  It wasn’t until he had recovered his breath that he saw Bansai staring at the branch  in his hand and his only eye widened. 

“Shinsuke,” Bansai started. “Why was there a branch of cherry blossoms inside your throat?”

T akasugi stood up, withdrawing from Bansai’s grip  that was still around his waist,  before  he replied.

“I don’t know.” Takasugi said, turning his back to Bansai.

It was a lie and Bansai could tell. But he didn’t insist on getting an answer out of Takasugi.

Instead, Bansai just asked if there was anything else he could do for him, and once Takasugi declined his offer, Bansai just nodded and left his room.

It was only when  Bansai arrived in his own room that he noticed he was still holding onto the cherry blossoms  branch .

-

Finally, after a long research, because there was hardly any information about “coughing up flowers” on the internet, Bansai found out what Takasugi possibly had. _Hanahaki_ , or _The Disease of Love_ , as some people referred to it.

One that didn’t have their love reciprocated, or lived with the belief that their love wasn’t reciprocated, could develop  the disease and start coughing  up petals, and later entire flowers, and, as Bansai had witnessed,  even  branches of flowers. It happened because flowers started growing in the person’s lungs. 

The development of  such disease could take weeks, months, or even years, it depended on the person. But they all would end up the same: e ventually, the person would choke on  the flowers and die. 

Bansai leaned against the back of his chair and sighed. He finally knew the secret that Takasugi spent so many years hiding, but what for? He couldn’t do anything about it. He had saved Takasugi from dying from choking on a branch, but it was out of sheer luck. The next time Takasugi was about to choke maybe Bansai wouldn’t be there and would find his general’s corpse after opening the door to his room.

A nd Bansai didn’t need to think too much to figure out who Takasugi’s unrequited love was. It had to be his teacher. The only person Takasugi couldn’t forget, the one he wanted to avenge no matter what  the  cost. The one whose that song that Takasugi had stolen belonged to.

B ansai felt pain on his chest, but decided not to think too much about it.

He didn’t sleep well that night, he was too busy paying attention to Takasugi’s song to be sure it was still playing, that his general was still alive.

-

Bansai woke up the next  morning wondering if everything had been a dream, but he didn’t have much time to enjoy that hope because soon he saw the branch of cherry blossoms stained with blood on his desk.

-

The next few months passed as if nothing had happened. Bansai had witnessed a few more of Takasugi’s coughing fits, but now Takasugi wasn’t so worried about covering his mouth and not letting Bansai see the petals, or entire flowers he would sometimes cough up. He would allow Bansai to help him, as long as Bansai didn’t ask any questions, didn’t make any commentary. So Bansai accepted that, and made it his priority to help Takasugi as much as he could, to keep him alive. As if this hadn’t been his sole goal since he joined the Kiheitai.

T hen the war started.

-

When Takasugi was in a coma  after his fight against Gintoki , Bansai’s biggest fear was that  his general would die choking on  the cherry blossoms. He talked to the doctors, informing them about the disease Takasugi had, hoping that they would believe him. The doctors reassured him, saying that Hanahaki  wasn’t “active” when a person was in a coma, so Takasugi wouldn’t choke on his own flowers.

Bansai sighed relieved. It was one less thing to worry about.

-

A couple of days later, a doctor approached him.  He seemed hesitant. Nervous. Bansai already knew what he wanted to talk about.

“Mr. Shinsuke Takasugi… He has a very rare disease,” the old man said.

“I’m aware,” Bansai replied.

“His body’s recovery has been stable. He can wake up from the coma any time now. So now would be the best time to do the surgery that can save him.”

Bansai’s eyes widened.

_A surgery that can save Shinsuke?_

How was that possible?

“Doctor, isn’t the disease Shinsuke has the so called Hanahaki Disease?”

“That’s right.”

“I thought it had no cure.”

“It’s been found recently because the cases have been increasing.”

Bansai’s  heart hadn’t beaten this fast in ages. Takasugi could be saved. He wouldn’t die  from choking on flowers. He could wake up and live his life even after everything that’s happened. Bansai wasn’t the type of person who would let his emotions show, but this time he couldn’t contain his excitement.

“What is it, doctor? How can you save Shinsuke?” He didn’t notice when he placed his hands on the doctor’s shoulders and started to shake the man.

“It’s a surgery to remove the root of the flowers from his lungs. It’s a delicate procedure, but with our professionals we can make it.”

“Please, _please_ , do it. Save Shinsuke!”

“However, there is something you must know. The ideal would be to have him awake to make this decision himself, but since his case seems to be a serious one, and he has no relatives, we will let the one who’s closer to him make it.”

“What’s the problem? Does it have any side effect?”

“It does. As you know, the disease develops because of unrequited love. If we remove the roots from his lungs, he will forget everything about the person he loves.”

It felt like someone had splashed Bansai with cold water.

“Everything? He won’t even remember the person existed?”

“Yes, everything. His memories about them will be erased, or he will remember them as a faceless being. But he won’t remember his feelings for them.”

Bansai  clenched his fists. He got so fucking  _close_ , but them the hope was taken away from him once again. He simply could not do that. He knew Takasugi better than anyone, and he knew Takasugi would refuse such procedure if he was awake. He knew Takasugi would rather die than forget about his teacher. And he knew Takasugi would never forgive him if he made that decision without consulting him first.  No, that decision was not his to make. If when he woke up Takasugi decided to undergo surgery, that was on him, but making him undergo it while he was in a coma? Absolutely not an option.

“You don’t need to make this decision now, you can take some time to think.”

“No. I can’t make this decision for Shinsuke. Don’t make him undergo any surgery for now. When he wake up he can decide for himself.”

The doctor nodded and left the room.

Bansai stared down at the sleeping body of his general and for just a little while, he let himself think about a universe where he agreed to let Takasugi undergo the surgery. A universe where an awake and renewed Takasugi was ready to love and be loved again.

-

They were on the way to the final fight, it’s what Bansai believed. Takasugi was wearing his old war clothes, and he seemed determined to win. To finally avenge his teacher.

Bansai had a feeling that would be the last time he would be playing shamisen for Takasugi as Takasugi smoked his kiseru, so he enjoyed every second of it.

“Bansai,” Takasugi’s deep voice called him.

“Yes, Shinsuke?”

“This disease I have… You know what it is, right?”

That caught  Bansai by surprise.

“Yes. I know.”

“Did you tell anyone else about it?”

“Of course not.”

“Good,” Takasugi replied.

There was a long pause before Takasugi’s next words. Bansai had went back to playing his shamisen and, knowing the time to get ready for the battle was approaching. He was already standing up to leave when he heard Takasugi’s words.

“Thank you.”

Bansai wasn’t sure what Takasugi was thanking him for, but he felt his heart beating faster anyway.

-

There was no escape.  H e was  tied up where he stood and the bomb was attached to  his body . He would die for  his  general, and he honestly could think there was worse ways to go.  Dying for the person he valued the most wasn’t so bad, after all. Bansai smiled. He couldn’t see anything anymore, he could feel he had only  a few seconds left.

“Shinsuke…” was his last word.

Somewhere in the middle of the explosion, some petals of an unknown purple flower could be seen  flying around the smoke.

**Author's Note:**

> So... Was it good? It was my first time ever writing Hanahaki, so I hope it was decent.
> 
> Please, leave a comment if you enjoyed it!


End file.
